Ethelbert's Medication Mixup

An itchin' on my buttocks
wuz startin' to botherin' me;
so I commenced to seein' docters
who might cure my misery.

It wuz the thurd fish-ish-un
who diagnosticated me,
an' gimme a tube a sumpin'
frum 'at itchin set me free!

The tube wuz mostly white
with blue letters a some kind
but I shor was stumped at sayin'
the cure for my behind.

Around this time my wife
had seen sum wrinkles 'bout her face
that worried her to buyin'
fancy cream they would displace.

An' fancy this my friends:
that tube was white as well;
it come with big blue letters
neither one of us could spell.

Whale them tubes sumhow got switched up;
I won't mention whoose t' blame,
but my wife got powerful angry
an' called me more than by my name!

So I made this observashun
tryin' to find a savin' grace,
"Ain't no wrinkles on my butt, tho;
Ain't no fungus on yer face!"

To this she responded poorly,
"Thar's a fungus in yer mind!
Costly wuz 'at wrinkle cream
you spread own yer behind!"

"An' whut good is skin so polished
if'n it's own yer scrawny butt?
Ethelbert, you take the cake,
ye ol' shor 'nuff nutty nut!"

Yet then she looked me over;
she laffed an' spoke to soothe,
sayin' "Whut ails us is more'n skin-deep
but... your fanny is awful smooth!"

Next poem: Ethelbert’s Parenting Advice

Author: Jerry Dan Deutschendorf
from: Red Earth Whisperings
Part II: The Old Timer